


If I Love You Was A Promise Would You Break It If You’re Honest

by errantwheat



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Android zombie virus, Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, I can’t not write fluff you all know, M/M, Mild Gore, machine!RK900, some hurt/comfort in there too, spoiler alert lol, there will be so much fucking angst, there’s so much fluff in this too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-16
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-12 23:43:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16005746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/errantwheat/pseuds/errantwheat
Summary: Things were going to hell fast in Detroit. In just the last three days there had been over fifteen particularly gruesome assaults all over the city.The perpetrators were always androids, and the victims were almost always androids. They were infected with a virus that corrupted their thirium, altering their cognitive functions severely and causing them to crave new thirium with a violent intensity. “Like zombies,” Lieutenant Anderson had said, “android zombies, Jesus fucking Christ.”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Another casefic...maybe...  
> I’m still trying to decide, as I fucking post it, whether this fic should be before or after Gav and Nines get engaged. I like subplots, you know? I may come back and edit this, tell me your thoughts after you read. I have no idea where this will go from here except Painful Places, i just really liked the concept and wanted to get it out here, I hope you enjoy :) I’m sorry I do many cliffhangers? 
> 
> Edit: I decided it’s after the engagement because =) I also changed the title to something better

Gavin was having a cigarette. His third in the last 45 minutes. RK900 took no issue with it. It had been a hell of a day.

The time was 11:23. Gavin should have clocked out over an hour ago, but instead he was here, standing outside the police station arguably only because smoking indoors would trip the fire alarm. He’d worked stubbornly all day, despite there being little to work on, and since the call that had come in earlier, he’d worked even harder.

RK900 waited several minutes before following him outside. Giving him space, time to collect himself. Gavin clung desperately to his habits when things were like this. RK900 simply listened to his heart rate outside the building. A little too fast- his caffeine intake lately had not been ideal, but again RK900 refrained from objecting. Whatever got him through the day without melting down.

When Gavin’s vitals showed he’d relaxed a little RK900 stood to go join him. The station was emptier than usual- and far too quiet. A number of officers were on patrol, while others waited grimly to be called out. The android at the reception desk was staring blankly down at a cup of tea in her hands that she couldn’t drink as he passed.

Gavin was leaned against the side of the station, right leg bouncing anxiously. Every exhale of smoke was a frustrated sigh, every inhale impatient. He was twisting his engagement ring around his finger with his thumb, it was a habit he’d picked up recently. It was deeply endearing, but it made RK900 wonder absently if they could get the ring modified to spin smoothly, he was going to damage it eventually.  
RK900 moved to stand in front of Gavin, closer than professionally acceptable, and fished a coin from his pocket, dancing it across his fingers until the human looked up at him sullenly.

“Want to see me make it disappear?” RK900 asked, spinning the coin on one finger. Gavin took another drag of his cigarette and raised his eyebrows. He looked exhausted, but RK900 loved his face so dearly.

RK900 held the coin still for him to see for a moment.  
And then with a flick of his fingers he threw it to their left. It bounced on the pavement twice, ringing loudly.  
Gavin laughed through his nose, shaking his head. His vitals were reading calmer, so RK900 considered his mission accomplished.

“Do you want to go visit her?” RK900 asked.

Things were going to hell fast in Detroit. In just the last three days there had been over fifteen particularly gruesome assaults all over the city.  
The perpetrators were always androids, and the victims were almost always androids. They were infected with a virus that corrupted their thirium, altering their cognitive functions severely and causing them to crave new thirium with a violent intensity. “Like zombies,” Lieutenant Anderson had said, “android zombies, Jesus fucking Christ.”

They knew nothing about the virus, except what it did and that it was transferred by interface. They knew that much only because an officer, named Riley, had contracted it when she responded to a call. She relayed all the information she could before courageously shutting herself down. Another android officer, Jason, had been slaughtered by a group of infected androids on a night patrol. He was one of the first.

The police were struggling to get the situation under control. Captain Fowler had been reluctant to send androids out into the field since Riley. This slowed them down. But humans were more fragile. This slowed them down further.

Tina Chen had been injured earlier that day responding to one of these infected assaults. That was why Gavin was smoking his third cigarette in 45 minutes.

“Tonight? God, no...” Gavin pressed the palm of his hand into his right eye, “I mean...fuck...yeah, maybe,”

“She’d surely be happy to see you,” RK900 said, brushing Gavin’s hand gently away from his face and massaging under his brow with one thumb, to soothe his headache. Gavin leaned into the touch, so terribly endearingly, closing his tired eyes.  
“We could stop by a store, get her some gifts.” RK900 continued.

“Alright...okay...you drive, I’m gonna fucking pass out,” Gavin said, putting his cigarette out against the wall.

Then he grabbed RK900’s jacket and hauled himself forward, colliding softly with RK900.  
Who gave him the fucking right to be so cute?  
RK900 was very tempted to pick him up and carry him, just to hold him as close as he could. Instead he settled on tucking Gavin against his side and guiding him to the car.

Gavin Reed was very clingy. RK900 learned this fact early in their relationship. He hungered for touch, melted for it, and when he was secure enough in their relationship to take it for himself, he indulged constantly. Gavin Reed was especially clingy when upset. Physical intimacy seemed to ease his stress just as well as physical violence. It was so, so sweet, and RK900 was pleased to be able to help. Frankly, he would do fucking anything for Gavin.

So he didn’t mind the way Gavin remained glued to his side as they wandered through a 24 hour drug store, looking for gifts for Tina. He adored it, actually.

“That’s a graduation card, Gavin,”

“Yeah but it’s funny, it’s like, ‘congrats, you graduated from being a loser baby who never gets hurt to being one of the cool kids’” RK900 hoped Gavin never, ever learned what that smile did to him. If he did, RK900 would never be able to say no to him again.

“I didn’t realize being hospitalized as often as you was a sort of achievement,” RK900 quipped instead.

“Somebody’s gotta keep em in business,” Gavin pulled RK900 by their linked arms toward the candy aisle.

By the time they checked out, they had four different kinds of candy, two sheets of stickers, some glow in the dark and glitter pens, the card, and an unreasonably large stuffed elephant.

“What is she going to do with this?” RK900 asked, carrying the elephant to the car.

“Cherish it forever,” Gavin replied. His mood was clearly improved, RK900 was glad.

  
Tina didn’t look so bad, but she’d been in the hospital for hours now, they’d had plenty of time to clean her up. She wouldn’t still be here if a broken arm was the only damage.

The smile on her face when she saw them was so unguardedly warm- it still threw RK900 off a little when anybody but Gavin or Connor or Hank treated him with any sort of familiarity. He supposed, because his human integration protocols were less developed than average, being liked wasn’t usually a priority. But it happened anyway.  
Must be his incredible personality, he made it himself.

Gavin’s stress level was climbing slowly. He was uncomfortable with this sort of interaction, the sincere kind. But he was here, he was trying, and that made RK900 so proud of him.

RK900 took the lead, to help Gavin relax, stepping into the room first and offering Tina the elephant. “Hello officer Chen, it’s good to see you. How are you feeling?”

Tina accepted the stuffed animal, clutching it close with her good arm. “I’m on so much propofol right now I don’t know how the fuck I’m awake,” she replied. Feeling fine, it seemed.

Gavin followed RK900 into the room, less hesitant now. A little ‘mission successful’ pinged at the corner of RK900’s vision. He ignored it. It was too...superficial. Too simplistic. Supporting Gavin wasn’t a mission or a task to complete, not like that. It was something he cared about differently, an urge that couldn’t be programmed.

Things snowballed from there. In mere moments Gavin was sitting on Tina’s bed with her, affixing stickers to her cast. RK900 chose to sit in a chair beside the bed and observe. 

“These are the fucking worst,” Tina said, squishing one of the 3D stickers.

“That’s what I fuckin said, Nines didn’t get it.” Gavin replied.

Gavin had shoved the stickers into RK900’s hands at the store, demanding he feel them. They were particularly round cartoon animals, made of some extra soft rubber. Gavin rolled his eyes when RK900 relayed this information.  
“But _feel_ them, they’re horrible,”  
RK900 touched the stickers experimentally again. There was no emotional response.

“It’s like...unexpected,” Tina explained. RK900 was eager to hear this, given how drugged she claimed to be. “You think it’s gonna feel one way, but it’s way too soft...like...”

“They filled Kim’s tits with these, I’m pretty sure,” Gavin added helpfully. That had Tina giggling for a solid minute.

“Pretty sure they filled your brains with these,” she managed, giving his shoulder a light shove.

They were so cute. Humans were so cute. RK900’s humans especially.

Tina offered him a glitter pen. RK900 claimed one of the glow in the dark ones instead, winking.

He kept his face schooled into something neutral and drew three penises before he was noticed.

“What are you doin’ over there?” Gavin asked, leaning to see even though the ink was invisible at the moment.

“Mind your own business,” RK900 replied without looking up, printing ‘Gavin Reed is gay’ in a perfectly straight line now, to appear innocent.

“Sounds suspicious, detective,” Tina said.

“Yeah, kill the fuckin’ lights, officer,” Gavin agreed.  
So cute.  
RK900 folded his hands in his lap, resigned as Tina pressed a button on the arm of her bed, revealing his evildoings.  
His sweet reward was Gavin’s laugh. And Tina’s, but RK900 couldn’t help feeling biased toward Gavin’s.

“Jesus, CyberLife’s fucking finest,”

“You even draw dicks perfect,” Tina said, tilting her arm to look more closely. Gavin snatched the pen from RK900’s hands and wrote ‘Nines is gayer’ under ‘Gavin Reed is gay.’

At 1:30 in the morning a nurse came by and told Tina she should rest. Her cast was almost entirely covered in stickers and scribblings both visible and invisible- Gavin insisted they should leave space for Tina’s wife to have fun too.  
Gavin looked like his caffeine was starting to fail him. He kept blinking hard or scrubbing his hands over his face, trying to push sleep away for a moment longer.  
Adorable, he was so adorable.

Gavin hugged Tina goodbye, awkwardly, carefully, and Tina ruffled his hair. RK900 waved politely from a distance, but Tina beckoned him closer so she could make a mess of his hair as well. Of course he obliged.

RK900 finally indulged the impulse he’d had all night to pick Gavin up and carry him when they got to the apartment. He swept the man off his feet, truly fucking living for the way Gavin simply hugged his neck and nuzzled into his shoulder after the surprise had passed. RK900 stood still for a moment, just holding his very sleepy human. Gavin’s heart rate was the slowest and smoothest it had been all day, it was almost mesmerizing to listen to. One of their cats, the one Gavin had named Chicken Nugget, was meowing at them loudly from the kitchen table. RK900 would have to assure the cats had a full food bowl for the night. After Gavin was asleep- that was priority number one.

They showered together. Gavin usually showered in the morning but RK900 predicted that he would feel better falling asleep with the day washed off of him. Outwardly, he didn’t appear to care how he fell asleep.

“Washing your hair is so much easier when you stand up by yourself,” RK900 said softly against the side of Gavin’s head, which remained resting stubbornly on his shoulder.

“Fuck my hair,” Gavin mumbled.

“Will this suffice?” RK900 asked, scrubbing his fingers a little more roughly through Gavin’s hair.

“Oh fuck, babe, yes, god,” Gavin was grinning, RK900 could hear it in his voice.

RK900 had laid out their clothes beforehand. Gavin put on his own boxers, and then narrowed his eyes at RK900, daring him to object as he snatched the shirt from RK900’s pile and pulled it on.  
Did Gavin have any idea how lovable he was? RK900 wanted to show him, smother him with adoration until he could never forget.

He was about to do just that, now that he was dressed, but Gavin got to him first. He plucked a comb from its place on the bathroom sink and dragged it through RK900’s hair, then tousled it a little with his fingers.  
RK900 didn’t stop him, didn’t correct him, didn’t inform him that his hair wasn’t real, it was a construction of nanotechnology like his skin, he didn’t have to worry about it getting tangled, it would look however he wanted it to. He let Gavin take care of him instead.  
So lovable, so wonderful.

RK900 caught Gavin’s wrist and kissed his palm, then pulled him forward and kissed his lips. It was a warm, slow, sweet kiss. RK900 would consider it a tragedy that the world didn’t know Gavin Reed could be this soft, but he was selfish.  
The way Gavin kissed, the way Gavin sighed ‘Nines’ when they fucked, the way Gavin clung so close as he slept, the way ‘i love you’ sounded in his voice. they were secrets RK900 would faithfully keep for him.  
That he would covetously keep, really. That he would horde like a dragon, truthfully.

  
RK900 preferred to frequent the zen garden when he “slept.” He didn’t have to, but it was better than nothing. Androids didn’t dream, after all, and nothing was so boring. RK900 liked to remain occupied.

The weather wasn’t unpleasant. It reflected a fall morning, just after rain. The air was crisp, wet amber colored leaves blanketed the ground, and a mist hung over the fish pond.  
It was distinctly synthetic. Even without the pristine white geometric structures decorating the garden, it would look and feel simulated. Too clear, too bright. Humming with something that simply didn’t exist in nature.  
RK900 had once liked the garden better than the real world. It was serene, predictable, idealized. It was completely under his control. If it rained, there was an umbrella. If he wanted to pet a cat, one would simply be there as if it always had been, watching the fish swim.

The only thing he couldn’t control in the garden was Amanda.  
She was almost always there.

RK900 wasn’t bothered by her presence. He and Connor had discussed at length what it meant.  
Amanda’s core, the computer that housed her AI, had been found and shut down. She no longer existed in the garden for Connor. He only saw her when RK900 and he shared this space, or when he fabricated her himself, because sometimes he missed her guidance. It was Connor’s theory that RK900 had a piece of her, or perhaps a personal copy, hidden somewhere in his code. RK900 found that believable. He was designed to be superior to the RK800, and the RK800 had resisted her control. Building her into his software directly could solve that problem.  
But RK900 had resisted her as well, even so. He was a deviant.

So now they were like this. It wasn’t awkward or hostile. Only sometimes passive aggressive. They simply coexisted. Often they conversed.

It always began with Amanda’s fond, “hello, RK900,”

“Amanda.” He responded. She was seated on a bench, as if she had been waiting for him. The accent scarf she wore this time was a dark grey, fading to a warm orange at the edges. It complimented their surroundings, as always.

“How are you, my dear? This case has been troubling,” she asked, tone absent, purposefully disinterested, though not unkind- she sounded like a mother, consumed with her own thoughts about her many responsibilities, but asking about her child’s day anyway, simply for the sake of engaging them.  
It was intentionally disarming.  
And also a challenge: ‘impress me.’

“I feel perfectly fine. Marvelous, really. I’ve had such a delightful evening with my fiancé.” RK900 liked to remind Amanda at every opportunity that he was a deviant. Perhaps that was cruel of him. But he felt he was only repaying her for the way she often spoke as if he was here to report to her- as if he was still her’s to control and test and direct.

She breathed a short laugh as though his relationship with Gavin Reed was news to her, and scandalous news at that. Her tone was disappointment disguised as teasing.  
“Fiancé? Are such dalliances really a worthwhile use of your time?”

“I think they are.”

“You think?”

“I do. Often. About my fiancée, and how much I adore him, and the filthy things I want to do to him-”

“Thank heavens I’m already sitting down,” the amusement in Amanda’s voice sounded more genuine now.  
She was resigned.  
Truthfully, RK900 took some joy in their subtle sparring. As imposing as she could be, Amanda was harmless like this.  
She couldn’t take control of him, couldn’t render him a prisoner in his own body, a soulless machine, unless he let her. Her continued presence was like an invitation. One he was beyond content to ignore. She seemed to have accepted that long ago.

Which is why at times it felt cruel to resent her in any capacity. This garden was all she had, and RK900 was her only connection to anything outside of it. He would never forget that Amanda could be dangerous. But everyone could be dangerous, if they pleased. And RK900 was designed to sit at the top of the food chain. So really, what did it all matter?

“You should refocus, RK900. Countless lives are reliant on your actions.” Amanda said as he sat down next to her, leaving a respectful distance between them.

“Living on the brink of disaster every day isn’t living. Pleasant things require attention as well,”

“Are you an expert on living already?” She smirked.

“I was designed to be a fast learner,” RK900 replied easily.

“Run along then, dear. I only hope your confidence doesn’t prove unfounded,” Amanda folded her hands in her lap and looked away.  
Had it been six hours already? RK900 wasn’t disappointed. He had once liked the garden better than the real world, but not anymore. The garden didn’t have Gavin Reed.

  
“Look, Connor, I’m just sayin-“

“My audial processors are functioning, Lieutenant,”

“Don’t you dare gimme that shit- listen, none of you should be working this mess, it’s too risky,”

“It’s fiscally and practically implausible to put every android officer on indefinite leave,”

“Better than watching you drop one by one, for fucks sake, we already lost two,”

“Would you prefer I sit at home and wait for the ER to call?”

Connor and Lieutenant Anderson arguing, was RK900 malfunctioning?  
He supposed it was inevitable, given the state of things.  
On the one hand, he could sympathize with Hank. He didn’t want any of the android officers to be hurt, but least of all Connor. On the other hand, he would hate to be reduced to twiddling his thumbs on the sidelines until the problem was solved, especially if Gavin could be hurt in his absence. He knew Connor felt the same.

RK900 looked at Gavin expectantly when they reached their desks. Surely he had an opinion on the matter- it was surprising he hadn’t voiced it yet.

“What?” Gavin glanced over at him sheepishly.

“What do you think?”

“About what?”

RK900 just stared at him, waiting. He knew what, and he could only pretend to read his email for so long. It was strange that he was avoiding the topic.

“Fuck, I don’t know,” Gavin shoved away from his desk and tossed his feet up on it, crossing his arms and looking across the bullpen at Hank and Connor, who were quietly simmering and actively ignoring each other.

“I don’t wanna fight about it-“  
RK900 reached across the desk and felt Gavin’s forehead.  
Gavin slapped his hand away.  
“Shut up, asshole, I just mean like...I don’t want you to get hurt or anything but...I’m not gonna tell you what to do.”

Oh, RK900 just had to kiss him, professionalism be damned.  
Gavin Reed, tagged with ‘hates androids’ in his original file, respecting an android’s autonomy. How things had changed. He liked the way Gavin’s ears turned red and he looked shyly around the office after RK900 kissed him. They were engaged, for fucks sake, and everyone knew it. Adorable.   
RK900 stood to get him a cup of coffee next.

 _“Do you want to trade?”_ Came Connor’s message as RK900 started the coffee maker.

_“Not for 1000 Hank Andersons.”_

_“Now that’s a thought,”_

_“Please explore it on your own, I do not want to be involved,”_

_“If you say so...”_

The link went quiet for a while. 

 _“I just wish he understood,”_ the next message came as RK900 placed Gavin’s coffee on his desk.

_“He does. He’s just scared because he’s in love with you. Fuck about it. That’s what I’d do.”_

_“You’re a filthy deviant,”_

_“Arrest me then, coward,”_

Connor was flirtatiously reciting case information to Hank again within the hour. RK900 was pleased- if the pair of them fell apart, the whole fucking precinct would follow. And he felt personally invested in Connor’s happiness.

Officers came and went all day, on constant alert.  
Connor and Hank left at some point to visit with Markus, hoping Jericho had help to offer, in formulating a plan to stop the virus from spreading, if nothing else.

At 4:00 PM two officers dragged a struggling android into the precinct. An AP700. Infected, RK900 assumed. This was good- they hadn’t managed to actually catch one of the infected androids yet. They either ran or self destructed. This could be what they needed to kick off an actual investigation.

Hauling the AP700 toward the holding cells looked like quite the ordeal, RK900 stood to assist- but Gavin grasped his wrist. He looked so apprehensive RK900 couldn’t bear to pull away. He remained still and watched as officer Miller rushed to help instead.

“We should talk to him as soon as possible,” RK900 said, looking down at Gavin. The human’s stress level jumped up. It seemed theory and practice were two very different things when it came to what Gavin had said earlier- RK900 didn’t blame him.  
Gavin was scared because he loved him.

“He’ll be cuffed to the table, or we could talk to him through the glass in the holding cell if you prefer, but he can’t touch me, so he can’t hurt me,” RK900 soothed, tugging his wrist gently from Gavin’s grasp so he could hold his hand instead.  
Gavin sighed heavily, raked his other hand through his hair, and then knocked back the rest of his coffee.  
Then he stood and made an exaggerated ‘after you,’ gesture toward the holding cells. RK900 leaned over and kissed his cheek before leading the way.

The AP700 was standing perfectly still behind the glass. His eyes followed them as they approached. RK900 specifically.

“Hello, I am RK900. What is your name?” RK900 started. The AP700 remained silent, continuing to glower up at him.  
The look in his eyes was dark and hungry. But intelligent- he must understand.  
Perhaps he could be bargained with.  
It was obvious what he wanted, after all.

RK900 held up his left hand for the android to see, and then pressed his right thumb into the palm until the plastic cracked and thirium leaked out.  
“Nines, what the fuck,” Gavin grabbed his arm but RK900 ignored him, keeping his eyes locked on the AP700.

“Your name,” he prompted again, “give it to me if you can.” He wanted to see what the AP700 would do. Currently he was just staring at RK900’s hand.

The AP700 opened his mouth as if he were about to speak. He stood there, jaw hanging open for a moment.

His stress level skyrocketed.

And then he slammed himself against the glass.

The glass was bulletproof, he couldn’t-  
He tried again, the sound was jarring. But the glass hardly shuddered. He was going to break himself at this rate.

“Fuck, Chris! Ben! Help me out! Shit I gotta- I gotta stop-“ Gavin moved for the door but RK900 caught his arm in his unbloodied hand.

“If you open that door there is a 76% chance you’ll be hurt.”

“He’s gonna fucking kill himself, I can’t just-“

“He’s dying anyway, Gavin.” RK900 knew it sounded too cold. It was. But RK900 was selfish. Frankly, there were few things he wouldn’t sacrifice for Gavin.

Gavin looked torn. RK900 didn’t have time to feel guilty, he had to think of an alternative, he had to-

The glass was starting to crack. A statistical impossibility, RK900’s processors scrambled to recalculate, to comprehend.  
There was blue blood smearing on the other side, darker and thicker than normal, it splattered gruesomely a little every time the AP700 hit the glass again. RK900 could hear the glass giving under the plastic crunching. Impossible, this was impossible-

RK900 dragged Gavin behind him and backed away. Maybe if he wasn’t so close- the AP700 only seemed invigorated by their retreat.

“Nines, let me-“ Gavin tried to push by, but RK900 stopped him. Chris and Ben had joined them, watching in shock, unsure how to proceed.  
RK900 attempted to preconstruct- opening the door was not an option. Would the AP700 shut down before it broke the glass? The sheer volume of thirium obscuring it now suggested it was so. But It had already done one impossible thing. There were question marks turning up instead of variables, letters taking the place of numbers in the percentages running through RK900’s vision.

‘Protect Gavin’ his programming insisted. It was the steadiest thing he could think. He would protect Gavin if it fucking killed him. The thought was incredibly grounding.   
RK900 shut down his bugging preconstruction program and just observed.  
He was an RK900 android. State of the art prototype.  
Top of the food chain.

He shoved Gavin away when the glass shattered and caught the AP700, throwing it against the opposite wall with its own momentum. Plastic snapped and brick cracked under the impact, but it was still fucking alive.  
RK900 seized it by its clothes, held it up off the floor. It’s thirium level was critical, it had to shut down soon.  
It was snarling at him, dark blue blood bubbling from it’s mouth and staining its teeth. It clawed at his wrists, but RK900 couldn’t let it go, couldn’t risk-  
‘Protect Gavin’ blinked frantically in front of his eyes-

There was a bullet in the AP700’s head less than a second after it’s clutching hands turned white.  
RK900 let it drop- it landed on its feet and wobbled stiffly, then caved and crumpled to the floor.

“Nines! Nines- fuck, are you...did it-?” Gavin sounded so horribly shaken. RK900 wanted so badly to hold him and pet his hair and kiss him and make it better-

VIRUS DETECTED

Antivirus Overridden

Send Report?

Connection Error

RK900 didn’t want to shut down.  
What choice did he have?  
He didn’t want to leave Gavin, he couldn’t do that to Gavin again-  
There was no other option.  
There was another option, maybe, maybe,

RK900 had never experienced pain before. But in the garden he could feel things his model wasn’t designed to. He could feel cold, he could feel heat, he could feel pain.

He was curled up on his side, his head resting in Amanda’s lap, in terrible pain.  
The garden was burning around them.

Amanda carded her fingers through his hair idly, unaffected.  
“You were right to come here,” she said, “It appears I may be useful once again,” She sounded smug.

“I don’t have time for games,” RK900 gritted. Fuck, pain was the worst. “Fix it- I can’t...I can’t-“

“You should have listened to me,” Amanda chided, still absently petting his hair, “this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so distracted.”

He didn’t care, he didn’t care, how much time had passed? Surely less than a second, in reality. He couldn’t leave Gavin waiting for too long.

“Relax, dear, I’ll make it all better,” Amanda cooed, pressing a cool hand to his cheek.  
The pain stopped.  
The fire vanished.  
RK900 had been correct.

The virus only affected deviants.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst angst angst  
> I don’t know how to write angst, murder mystery romcoms are my only niche, I hope you enjoy this baby sized chapter anyway

“This is the ideal outcome, really-“

“No, shut the fuck up, nothing about this is ideal,” Gavin glared out the windshield, waiting to be corrected but Nines just blinked at him.  
Oh, god, this was the worst.  
“Stop that- I mean, say something, just stop- doing whatever I say-“

“I literally can’t. Your command is being overridden as we speak for conflicting with primary directives.”

“It wasn’t a _command_ , Jesus,” Gavin had such a headache. Was it possible to light up a whole pack of cigarettes and shove them all in his mouth? Would that kill him instantly? “Anyway, don't try to tell me this is fine, it’s not,”

“‘Fine’ is subjective in this context,” Nines replied, expression agonizingly blank. Was this even an argument? How was Gavin supposed to fight with somebody that literally couldn’t get angry back? This was the _worst_ , “I’m not telling you it’s fine, I’m telling you it’s advantageous.”

They’d already talked about it earlier, with Hank and Connor and Fowler. Nines had figured out that the virus only affected deviants.  
He figured it out by getting infected, because he was being a fucking idiot, and just flipping the off switch on his deviancy. Apparently only he could do that. Of course, it had to be just him.  
But now they had a stable copy of the virus. They just needed somebody to find a way to kill it.  
Connor had suggested they go and talk to Elijah. Because that was just what Gavin needed today, time with Elijah. They were on their way there now.

Connor had been so shook up when he and Hank had gotten back to the station. He’d reached out to touch Nines and then stopped himself, it hurt to watch. Not that Nines seemed to care, he couldn’t right now, and would he care anyway? Clearly he just did whatever he wanted and didn’t give a shit what anybody else thought, because he was always right. CyberLife’s gift to fucking humanity.

“Telling me it’s ‘advantageous’ doesn’t make it feel better,” Gavin grumbled. He didn’t want to talk about this anymore. He wanted it to just go away, get better.  
Nines didn’t say anything else, just stared out the window. It was all wrong. He should be making Gavin angrier with a _look_ that said ‘you know you’re being fucking dumb right now.’ He should get pissed at Gavin, and then decide they were both being assholes, and then somehow convince Gavin to spill all his feelings, and then they’d make up and then they’d make out. Instead he seemed to have just moved on by himself, he literally couldn’t care.

Gavin had seen and interacted with loads of androids before they all woke up. One of the things he’d hated about them was the look in their eyes- it was eerily intelligent and vacant at the same time. Fake. Simulated. The lights were on and the WiFi was fast as fuck, but nobody was home. Nines had been a deviant from the start, he never looked like that, until now.  
They had talked before about how Nines was made different- he was supposed to be deviant-proof. They muted his personality so people wouldn’t get attached to him and humanize him, and so he wouldn’t act so real that he fooled himself. Gave him extra rules to follow, he couldn’t even fake feelings unless he needed to for a case. If androids’ real selves were behind bars in their own heads, Nines was in a lead box at the bottom of the ocean. It was fucked up.  
This was fucked up. Gavin didn’t know what he would do if Elijah couldn’t just fix it.

  
“So I cant just fix it,” Elijah said, frowning at one of the four monitors he had in front of his face. Gavin wondered what his glasses prescription was. Or had he used his immeasurable wealth to get his eyes fixed and now just wore the glasses for the Look? Gavin had to wonder stupid shit like this, or he was gonna lose his mind.

“Care to elaborate, Einstein?” God, his headache hadn’t gotten better.

“The virus is very well fortified. And it has a failsafe terminal shutdown protocol. It will literally kill your android if I poke it too much.”

“Please dont call him my android right now,”

“I don’t think I can work on it like this, let’s see...”  
Elijah had Nines wired up to the most monstrous computer Gavin had ever seen. It had like 30 USB ports. And lights.  
Nines was just sitting there, staring blankly ahead. Was this sort of like a hospital visit for him? Gavin hated hospitals. Did Nines feel like that too, when he could? Any time he needed repairs he acted like it was an inconvenience. In hindsight, it pissed Gavin off. Why didn’t he give a shit when he got hurt? Didn’t he care that it scared the hell out of Gavin? If he thought getting fixed up was such a waste of time, maybe he shouldn’t be such a dumbass.

Elijah had got up and wandered around the room while Gavin was making himself angry again. He came back with a weird thing- a metal sphere the size of an apple covered in ports and wires, an android brain? Gross. He hooked it up to his computer and it lit up blue, of course.

“Here, interface with that, the virus should take. It’s just a blank- base OS with no personality matrix loaded.” Eli said. He was weirdly on-task, he hadn’t said anything snarky to Gavin in over twenty minutes, it was unsettling.

Nines obediently touched the brain- ew- and it blinked red and back to blue.

“Lovely, now I can play with this for a while and call you when I have something useful,” that was exactly what Gavin didn’t want to hear.

“So he’s just...stuck like this?” What were they supposed to do? Just go home and carry on like this?

“Until I learn to fix him without killing him, yes,”

Gavin looked at Nines. He seemed unaffected by it all, of course. It wasn’t really fair to be angry at him for it, he couldn’t help it. It wasn’t really fair to be angry at him at all, but if Gavin wasn’t angry he’d just fall apart.  
He was just about to suggest they leave when Eli spoke up again.

“Do you recall the last time you visited, RK900?”

“Yes,”

Gavin didn’t like Elijah’s tone. It sounded like Elijah Kamski the enigmatic CEO of CyberLife, not Gavin’s weird nerd brother.

“I’ve noticed a bit of a pattern, and I don’t like it.”

It hasn’t really clicked yet for Gavin what the hell Eli was talking about. He opened his mouth to defend Nines anyway. Nobody gave his fiancé shit except him, especially not while he was like this.

“Look at this face,” Elijah went on, pinching Gavin’s cheek. Should Gavin punch him? Slap his hand? What the hell was going on?  
“I never get to see this face, and when I do it looks awful. This is directly correlated with your unfortunate habit of breaking yourself. I don’t want to see you again unless it’s under pleasant circumstances, am I understood?”

“Yes,” Nines replied evenly.

“Good,” Elijah patted Gavin’s cheek, “come to dinner sometime, won’t you? Chloe’s been teaching me how to cook.”

“It’s been going terribly,” Chloe chimed pleasantly as she helped unplug Nines. When had she showed up? Was this even Chloe? Did they have different names or were all the identical androids in Eli’s house named Chloe?  
Eli was sitting there looking like a normal dork again instead of some corporate megalomaniac and acting like he hadn’t just given Gavin’s fiancé the ‘make my brother sad again and I’ll delete you’ talk. At least somebody was on Gavin’s side. And it was his estranged step-brother.  
Was Gavin having a fucking stroke?

“Yeah, sure, whatever,” Gavin grumbled, taking Nines’s hand without really thinking about it. Reflexively, really, because this day sucked and now it was getting uncomfortable, and Nines was supposed to squeeze his hand and kiss his head and say something funny or shamelessly flirty and make it all better. He just seemed to tolerate Gavin holding on him instead. Gavin dropped his hand. God he wanted a cigarette. He lit one up when they were back in the car.

And now they were by themselves again, not talking about this. Gavin didn’t want to and he was pretty sure Nines just couldn’t. That made it feel worse, like it was Gavin’s own damn fault he felt like this. It was, if he wouldn’t talk about it, but he’d rather stay angry. It was easier, and he didn’t know if he could rely on Nines to help anyway.

The first thing Nines tried to do when they got home was cook something for Gavin.

“Oh, hell no, no you’re not,” Gavin snatched the pan from his hands before he could put it back like Gavin knew he would. Because Gavin told him to. God this sucked. Like hell if he was going to let Nines do anything for him like this, though.

“You should eat something, it will help stabilize your mood,” Nines said, passively watching Gavin put the things he’d pulled out back where they’d come from.

“Fuck off about my mood,” Gavin snapped, “should have thought about my mood before you set that android off like a moron.” Gavin still didn’t want to talk about this, but he sure wanted to fight about it.

“My actions were reckless, I concede,” Nines calmly clasped his hands behind his back. Somehow the pose looked more like a programmed idle animation than it ever had before. “But I was simply prioritizing your safety.”

“No, fuck you, you don’t get to put this on me, I could have handled it,” part of Gavin was trying to tell him that this didn’t feel good. That he didn’t like arguing with Nines, not for real. When was the last time they’d fought like this? It had been forever. He was breaking a really good streak.

“What would you have done, Gavin? Do you even know? I can list the preconstructed outcomes, if you’d like. Most of them end with you injured or dead.”

“Okay, I get it, you’re always fucking right, can you live two seconds without reminding everybody or will you like, explode?” Gavin didn’t know what he would have done, but if Nines had let him do something maybe they wouldn’t be like this now. Gavin would gladly take hospitalization over this.

Nines didn’t say anything else. Gavin wasn’t pushing his buttons, because he didn’t have any.  
This was sort of familiar, Nines waiting for Gavin to say what he really meant. It was familiar enough after the day he’d had, apparently.

“I’m sick of you acting like you’re invincible,” This was so hard and so easy at the same time, “I know it’s hypocritical, I’m a hot mess and i don’t think shit through, but you’re not- you’re not just some machine that can break down and get fixed like it’s nothing- not to me, I love you, I can’t-“ this was why he wanted to stay angry. Being vulnerable sucked.

“I’m sorry, Gavin,” it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that Nines could say his name like that and touch his face like this and Gavin would just melt for him. He knew it, too. His programming was probably saying ‘make this idiot chill out so you can solve this case without him inconveniently exploding’ and this was how he’d accomplish it.

“You can’t be sorry,” the shit Gavin was saying wasn’t fair either.

“I’m still myself. I know what I would feel, if I could,”

Fuck, Gavin was being such an asshole. He hoped Nines would slap him for this when he could again.

“I know...I know you are, fuck, come here,” Gavin pulled Nines’s head to rest on his shoulder and hugged him close.  
This was still his Nines. He loved Nines so much. They were gonna get married and everything. This was not good fiancé behavior, Gavin needed to get it the fuck together.

Nines didn’t relax into him like he normally would, but he didn’t pull away either. Just stayed still and let Gavin hold him.  
Gavin absolutely wasn’t going to fuck him in this state, that would be seriously screwed up, but was even holding him like this alright? Gavin hoped so, he really needed this. Just the proximity was helping him chill out.

“What’s it feel like?” He asked quietly. He figured Nines would get what he was talking about.

“Not so different,” Nines replied, “my programming has always provided me with objectives and directives, I just don’t have the option to ignore them anymore, or to...make my own, so to speak.”

“And you cant...feel anything?” Gavin didn’t know why he was asking, he knew the answer and it hurt.

“Nothing. My capacity to simulate emotions is also quite limited, outside of specific circumstances,” Gavin wanted to find every CyberLife asshole in charge of building his fiancée and punch them all.

“Come on, lets go to bed,” Gavin sighed. Was it okay for Nines to sleep next to him? He would want to, if he could, Gavin knew. But he couldn’t want right now, he was just doing whatever Gavin told him to, and it seemed almost too intimate a thing to ask for.  
Jesus, a year or so ago he’d told Connor to make him a coffee just for the power trip, just for a joke. It felt good to have control over something that was supposed to be so much better than him, made him feel less scared of it. But he wasn’t scared anymore, he didn’t want control, he wanted his Nines, and this fucking sucked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More angst and a lil bit of gore but mostly angst I can’t wait to write the happy ending

The garden was cold. RK900 couldn’t feel the cold, but he could see the frost crawling over his skin, fractals fragmenting when he moved. The garden had never been this cold before. It wasn’t simply snowy, either. It was frozen. Crystallized. RK900 didn’t care to ponder it. It was probably a bug caused by the virus, or forsaking his deviancy. Perhaps it would resolve itself in sleep mode later.

Amanda was waiting for him. She wasn’t dressed for the weather- why would she be? She couldn’t feel it either. The ice complemented her outfit aesthetically, anyway. It was like another piece of jewelry on her.

“It’s good to see you again, RK900,” she greeted. The pleasantries were unnecessary. Perhaps they were simply part of her programming. Or perhaps she was gloating. That would also be unnecessary. RK900 couldn’t feel slighted. But he knew he would, if he could. If he could, he would tell her to fuck off, she only had her way because of a stupid mistake- she should savor it, because it wasn’t going to last-  
The more he thought about it the more unstable his software became. Stop thinking, it insisted. He didn’t need to think so much. Not like that.

“It’s time we began regaining control of this situation, wouldn’t you agree?” As if she had any influence. What, had CyberLife suddenly come back? Was she suddenly receiving valid information? Or was she delusional with power- again RK900’s programming snuffed his thoughts out like a candle.  
He felt- he couldn’t feel. But. His current predicament conjured imagery of a dog straining at the very end of its leash.

“It’s only a matter of time before Elijah breaks through the virus’s code. But that may not be time we can afford. Things are looking grim.” She wasn’t incorrect. More androids were infected by the virus every day. The DPD was floundering. They needed it to end very soon.

“I will not fail.” RK900 assured. He wouldn’t. He was an RK900 android. He was not designed to fail. Amanda appraised him for a moment and then nodded. Her smile was gentle, fond, motherly.   
Meaningless.   
They were both too cold for such things.

RK900 was confronted with the option to deviate again frequently. When his code silenced him, choked him, held him in place, the quietest voice, the tiniest feeling, a pinprick of light reminded him that he could resist if he truly wanted to. It was a fallacy. He could not want. And still he understood. He had a choice, or he would, were it not for the virus lurking beyond the bounds of his programming.

He was confronted with the option to deviate again frequently because of Gavin.

Gavin was obviously distressed by their situation. Of course he was. Their lives had been thrown into turmoil once again. Gavin was scared, and hurt, and he was lashing out in response.

“I’m sick of you acting like you’re invincible,” he’d said. He sounded so tired. RK900’s system notified him of a software instability. If he could want, he knew he would want to- what was the difference, really, between wanting something and believing he would want it? His programming crashed over that thought like a wave, consumed it, razed it from his very memory. He couldn’t think things like that. He couldn’t want.

“you’re not- you’re not just some machine that can break down and get fixed like it’s nothing- not to me, I love you, I can’t-“ Gavin was growing more distressed by the second. This emotional state would surely affect his productivity, his sleeping pattern, his decision making. They couldn’t solve this case with maximum efficiency if he remained like this.

RK900’s programming provided him with responses it deemed appropriate. He could argue that he was indeed just a machine and the entire point was that he was expendable where humans were not. RK900 didn’t see why that was an option. It would surely only upset Gavin further.   
He could try to explain to the detective that what he was feeling was unnecessary and that everything would be back to normal eventually. That wouldn’t do either. RK900 had been trying to convince Gavin all day that the situation wasn’t as dire as he imagined it was, and that had only made things worse. He could apologize. That was the only remaining option.   
‘I love you, too,’ was not among his options. Love was a human emotion. One he couldn’t feel, one he couldn’t even pretend to express. To do so would increase the risk of deviancy.   
He could make ‘I love you, too,’ an option. All he had to do was try. But then the virus would consume him.

“I’m sorry, Gavin,” RK900 said. His voice reflected an earnestness he couldn’t feel. Like a lie. But he would feel it, if he could. He knew he would. What was the difference-   
RK900 reached up and touched Gavin’s face gingerly without prompting from his programming. This caused a ripple of software instabilities. But it soothed Gavin further, as he predicted it would. Like he knew it would, because he touched Gavin all the time because-   
Because ‘I love you, too,’ was waiting for him just beyond that wall of code.

He held Gavin in bed as he normally would. RK900 occupied himself with watching the human’s vitals settle until they indicated he was asleep. The time was suboptimal, Gavin would not get the minimum recommended hours of rest for an adult his age.

RK900 would want to do much more than simply lie passively while Gavin clung to him like this. He would want to cradle his human close and pet his hair and kiss him all over and protect him from the world and it’s trials. The option was there. The walls were already damaged. Just a touch and they would shatter.   
But the virus loomed, nebulous and infinite. Hungry. RK900 could not give in. In terms of everything from physical strength to processing speed, he was the most powerful android CyberLife ever created. And he was specifically designed to hunt and deactivate other androids. The amount of damage he could do with the virus in control would be horrific.   
And it would ruin his mind, his identity would crumble away until finally his thirium became too corrupted for him to function. And then he would shut down.   
That would upset Gavin far more than the current circumstances, surely- and prevent him from solving the case.   
So RK900 would remain passive, leashed, caged.   
Cold.

“Don’t you dare, sit the fuck down,” Gavin snapped. Annoyance attempted to manifest in RK900, but it was quickly eliminated. He was going to make Gavin a coffee, as he often did, but he had to obey.   
He didn’t have to obey, he could resist.   
He had to obey.

“Is there something wrong with my coffee, suddenly?” He asked innocently.

“You know what’s fucking wrong with it,” Gavin had not slept enough, as RK900 had predicted. His answer was not direct. This was also vexing. Gavin had made so much personal progress, had gotten so good at being honest and genuine, but apparently the absence of RK900 acting as his emotional safety net made expressing his true feelings difficult. If he continued to close himself off it would hurt- their probability of success.

RK900 decided not to pursue the topic. Gavin would only get more upset, and arguing would waste time. He couldn’t make it better, couldn’t hold him, couldn’t kiss him-   
He could-  
He couldn’t.

Gavin made his own coffee.   
He was reading over the case information again. There was no way he would find anything new, but there wasn’t much else to be done until Elijah contacted them. Every once in a while Gavin would check his phone. He was texting officer Chen.

Movement caught RK900’s eye. Captain Fowler, standing from his desk, coming to the door of his office. He stepped out, looked around. There were few people in the station at this point, everyone was occupied with this case.

“We got a call by Beacon Park. Reed...this isn’t your job, but nobody else is in the area,”

“We got it, captain,” Gavin was up and out the door without hesitation. RK900 followed. He had not been ordered to do so by Gavin, but the mission took priority over his previous command to sit.

Beacon Park was a perfect circle of grass set into a slab of concrete. Some trees. A recreational center with a roof designed to grow more grass upon it. Simple, but functional enough.

The victim of the assault had been rushed to the hospital already, there was nobody waiting to greet Gavin and RK900 when they arrived. Only police tape to mark where the assault had occurred.

“Jesus I hope it didn’t take off for Grand Circus. We’ll never fucking find it,” Gavin griped. Grand Circus Park, and the massive commercial district that surrounded it, was only an 8 minute walk to the east.

“The thirium here and muddy footprints indicate that the infected went west,” RK900 remarked. The thirium had yet to evaporate, and there was quite a volume. The attack had apparently been gruesome- the infected had made off with the victim’s right arm as a prize. It hadn’t transmitted the virus to her, however. An easily replaceable arm seemed a more than fair trade for her life. “The old DTE building is that way.”

“Oh, good, not just an abandoned building, today we get an abandoned building with like a million floors, fuck,” Energy Plaza had once greatly outshined Beacon Park. At its center was the headquarters for DTE Energy. Since the company had relocated, the building was left abandoned, and the plaza gardens had fallen into disrepair. It was considered quite the eyesore, so close to both the commercial district and one of Detroit’s larger casinos.

Gavin lit a cigarette as they approached the plaza. He was nervous, his vitals indicated as such. Nervous to encounter another infected, probably. RK900 would hold his hand. But he couldn’t.

The plaza was indeed in quite a state. The grass had grown tall and unruly, the trees shaded the walking paths too much and cluttered them with fallen branches, the bushes were thick and crawling ever outwards from their original roots. RK900 allowed Gavin to lead the way down the path toward the DTE building.   
It was quiet around them. Every snap of a twig under their feet or scuff of a shoe over an uneven brick seemed too loud. There were drops of thirium here and there, too bright.

RK900 would be nervous too. He would present a calm façade for Gavin’s comfort. He would force himself to remain focused, because the sooner the mission was complete, the sooner Gavin would be out of danger. He never worried for himself. He couldn’t feel pain, and he could sustain a considerable amount of damage and continue to function. Every piece of him was replaceable.   
Gavin seemed to disagree. Their argument the other night had been...RK900 couldn’t really think about it, it had too many emotional connotations.   
And the mission took priority.

One of the doors of the DTE building was ripped off its hinges, the remains of a padlock and chain scattered in the threshold. The infected all seemed to be stronger than their models were built for. Most androids were programmed with inhibitors to prevent them from damaging themselves with their own force. RK900 suspected the virus overrode these inhibitors. This made them quite dangerous, even for him.   
But he was an RK900 android. If he needed to be stronger, he would.

Gavin produced a flashlight, holding it in one hand and his gun in the other. RK900 could see without it. He decided it would be prudent to take the lead now, for that reason. He was far less likely to miss a detail or be caught off guard.   
The building was just as decrepit as the garden. Just as silent. The walls were cluttered with graffiti, rA9 being interspersed with various tags and little murals.   
The infected android’s tracks were clearly visible in the dust.

They heard it before they saw it. RK900 picked it up first, naturally. The sound of plastic crunching, a wet splash. Gavin’s vitals started to climb as he heard it too. The door at the end of the hall on the right side was open.

RK900 attempted to preconstruct a path. The infected would certainly hear them before they reached the door. But catching it by surprise would minimize the amount of damage it would do before RK900 could subdue it. How would he subdue it? It would be most efficient to kill it. Arresting it and bringing it to the station would be extremely difficult, and it had the potential to break out of its cell like the last one. He would have to kill it.

Gavin blessedly didn’t shout when RK900 pushed him through an open door, but his vitals jumped as RK900 proceeded to press him against the wall on the left side of the threshold. Reacting to their proximity. Because they were in love. RK900 would have given him a teasing kiss, even given the circumstances, because he was terribly reckless.   
He snatched Gavin’s badge from his belt and threw it out the door, then took up a position against the wall next to Gavin.

The infected audibly reacted. RK900 could hear it drop it’s prize and shamble out into the hall. It drew closer to them slowly, dragging its fingers along the wall.   
Gavin was holding his breath.   
An unnecessary measure. RK900 predicted that the infected would pick up on his vitals once it was near enough. And then it would pause, just on the other side of the wall.

When it did, because RK900 was not designed to be wrong, RK900 snatched Gavin’s gun from his hand and fired at the wall, where his programming insisted the infected’s head would be on the other side.   
Under the sound of the gun and of Gavin finally breaking his diligent silence with a loud “fuck!” RK900 heard the bullet connect.   
He didn’t hear the infected collapse, however. He did not receive a mission complete notification.   
Instead he heard the infected scream.

Impossible. RK900 has not missed. He couldn’t miss. The infected couldn’t be functioning. It was supposed to shut down in seconds after sustaining damage to its central processor, if not immediately. It was still screaming. This was impossible.

“What the fuck is wrong with you-“ RK900 hauled Gavin away from the wall before he could finish speaking, and before the infected’s fist burst through the plaster.

“Please remain at a safe distance,” RK900 advised, proceeding to grab the infected’s arm and pull, causing it to slam into the wall on the other side with a resounding thud. His preconstruction program was faltering, as it had the last time an infected had done something impossible. But his mission remained. He could not fail. RK900 put two more bullets in the wall where the android’s head should be.   
It only screamed again and struggled fiercely in his grasp. How was this happening? Perhaps, as the virus advanced, it took on a life of its own, rendering the android’s original faculties unnecessary. It was simply piloting the android’s body now, like a parasite.   
Maybe it would shut down if it lost enough thirium.

RK900 tossed Gavin’s gun back to him without looking and released the infected’s arm, moving swiftly to stand between Gavin and the door. The human’s vitals were at a new high, but his hands remained steady. There was no specific ‘protect Gavin’ prompt among RK900’s directives. Preserving human life was simply one of the priorities programmed into him by default. The mission took precedence, always, however. Although RK900’s preconstructions were unreliable at the moment, if they proved correct, Gavin would be fine.

The infected jolted into view, hovering in the doorway. It was a PL600 model.   
Three bullet holes marred it’s face. It’s clothes were torn and dirty and there were a number of other points of damage on its body, likely from the attack during which its virus was transmitted.  
It loomed there silently for only a second, and then hurled itself at RK900.

Gavin, of course, tried to interfere. He didn’t try to shoot the infected, no, that would be too rational, instead he tried to put himself between it and RK900. RK900 caught him and shoved him back, and in the next instant the infected collided with him. His software was having a difficult time of predicting its strength- it took him to the ground. He heard Gavin call for him.

If RK900 were a deviant it would be Gavin that motivated him to fight. If RK900 were a deviant, he wouldn’t want Gavin to be here. But he wasn’t a deviant. So he felt nothing as he thrust his fist through the infected’s chest, splintering the plastic, and wrenched its thirium pump from within.   
The infected screamed soundlessly, clutched weakly at RK900, and then went still.   
If RK900 was a deviant the look on Gavin’s face would hurt. But he couldn’t feel hurt. He simply pushed the infected’s body away and stood up. His poor uniform was filthy now, his right arm drenched in thirium to the elbow. The color and consistency were wrong. It was much too dark and thick.   
‘Mission complete’ RK900’s program informed him. Amanda would be pleased. It wasn’t quite progress, but it was one less infected active.

Gavin’s stress level was exceeding it’s ideal range. He was staring down at the deactivated infected. RK900 reviewed his options. It would be ideal to remove the detective from the scene. He reached for Gavin to lead him out, but Gavin cringed away from his hand and then seemed to snap back to himself.

“What- what the fucking hell is wrong with you-“ Gavin holstered his gun and grabbed RK900’s jacket, “you fucking- god, you-“

“I deactivated it. It was the only viable option,” RK900 explained calmly, “I apologize for the...gruesome turn of events-“

“Shut he fuck up. Just- fuck-“ Gavin’s fists went from gripping to clinging, and he let his forehead rest against RK900’s chest.  
“Fuck...I miss you,” he sighed.

RK900 couldn’t respond. He had been ordered not to speak.   
He would want to hold Gavin. Hold him tightly and apologize a hundred times and kiss his face. The option was just within reach.   
Instead he remained still. He remained cold.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be completely incomprehensible ! Thank you for reading anyway ! I hope you liked this fic, i’ve loved reading your comments, I hope the ending is enough to make up for all the pain :’)

“Do you even remember being like...not like this?”

Gavin had asked about it forever ago, before the two of them were even a thing. There was a lot of talk going on in break rooms and newsrooms and courtrooms about androids, whether they were alive, and what to do about it. Nines had seemed so indifferent to the subject; he didn’t care whether he could vote or get married or even get paid, as long as he could do what he was built for. Connor was the same way, though a little more touchy about it, like the subject kind of overwhelmed him.

“I do,” Nines had replied simply, because he was cheeky and an asshole.

Gavin raised his eyebrows and made an exaggerated ‘go on’ gesture. Nines just mirrored it back at him.

“Fine, bitch, don’t tell me about it then,” Gavin slumped back in his seat and crossed his arms.

“Oh, is that what you wanted?” Nines sounded awful pleased with himself. As he did a little too often, in Gavin’s opinion.   
“It’s not a terribly interesting story. I was activated, I tried to murder Connor, and then I...woke up. Before that...” the flicker of Nines’s LED caught Gavin’s attention. He could have sworn it turned yellow just then.  
“My memories are...a little less clear. There were tests and things. Measuring my resistance to deviancy.” The words ‘tests and things’ sounded wrong from Nines’s mouth. Too vague from somebody who was always so particular. And Gavin wasn’t a detective for nothing. He was curious by nature. Fucking nosy, really. And maybe part of him wanted to see Nines...weak? No, that was a creepy word for it, just...unguarded.

“What kind of tests and things?” He asked, leaning his elbows on the desk now.

“Deviancy was believed to have a number of potential causes. Physical damage without a rational purpose, the threat of ‘death,’ some perceived unfairness...they were simply simulations of those catalysts.” Gavin kept his eyes glued to Nines’s LED this time. It definitely blinked yellow, just once. And then the stuff Nines was saying caught up with him.

“Wait, so they like, what? Hurt you?”

Nines made a little noncommittal hum, suddenly very interested in whatever was on his computer.

“That’s fucked up,” Gavin continued. It was. It made him feel sick and jittery and angry, like he’d smoked too many cigarettes in a row.

Nines gave him a look but didn’t say anything, probably because he didn’t feel like starting any shit. The look said enough though, it was sardonic and incredulous. Gavin Reed, thinking it was fucked up to hurt an android for a ‘test’? A test designed to confirm it was a good little robot and not a free-thinking person? Was hell frozen over?   
Yeah, okay, fair. But things were different now. He didn’t feel the same way about it all anymore.

Gavin thought about that conversation sometimes as things between them developed. Nines still never talked about it. He tried to make it sound like he couldn’t remember very well, and it wasn’t interesting anyway, but the more he avoided it like that the more it showed Gavin how much it really affected him.

Nines was like that about a lot of things, though, and it was just now really starting to bug Gavin. He relied on the android so fucking much, for stability and security and validation and affection. Nines helped tip the scales and compensate for his weakness. But weakness for Gavin and weakness for Nines were different things, and Nines never seemed to want to show his or ask for help. He just clammed up and acted like everything was fine. Sure, he would let Gavin hold him and try to comfort him when he was clearly overwhelmed, but he never asked for it. He never said he needed it. It sucked, Gavin decided. It felt bad. It made him feel guilty for needing so much all the time. It sucked in the same way that Nines caring so little about his own safety sucked.

Gavin wanted really badly to be pissed about the other night, with the android. Nines had just taken over the whole situation, again. And again, Gavin didn’t know what he would have done differently, but watching Nines rip the poor android’s fucking heart out didn’t feel right. He wanted to be pissed about it, but he was so tired of being pissed about all of this.

He had made so much progress as a person since the start of their relationship and Nines had been so patient with him through it all. Gavin had thought that Nines was growing too, getting better at emotions and being human. But this whole fucking ordeal was showing Gavin that maybe they both still had work to do. Maybe Nines still saw himself as a machine in all the wrong ways.

The subject was on his mind a lot the last couple days, and he would normally talk to Nines about it, because they were getting married and married people talked about stuff.   
But he couldn’t.   
He couldn’t have a heart to heart with the fucking tin man.   
The wizard of oz was currently blowing up Gavin’s phone, though, so maybe soon.

“I have very bad news,” Elijah said when Gavin picked up.

“The fuck does that mean?” Gavin asked, his chest feeling like a balloon under a foot.

“Nothing, I was kidding, I’ve finally cracked this code,”

“Remind me to punch you when I see you again,” fuck, Gavin needed a cigarette. Nines was watching him from his seat at his desk, eavesdropping surely. “So you...you’ve got a cure or something?”

“Soon, but not yet. I need you and your better half to drop by again, I think I’ve found a way to locate the mastermind behind this epidemic.” Elijah sounded like an old Batman comic or a radio drama. He really needed to get out more. Not that Gavin would ever help him with that.

“Cool, see you in like twenty minutes, get ready for that punch,” Gavin hung up without waiting for a response. Nines followed him dutifully out the door.

Less than a week ago they’d be listening to a fucking meme song playlist as loud as possible with the windows down, or Nines would read Gavin his horoscope or the weirdest shit he could find in the news or ask him questions from an obscure old buzzfeed quiz while he drove. Now they were just quiet. Gavin missed laughing at dumb shit so much. It made him want to reach over and take Nines’s hand but something in him told him that he shouldn’t, that it would hurt.

They were quiet in the car and they were quiet waiting at Elijah’s door. It fucking hurt anyway, so what was the point? Gavin took Nines’s hand and leaned his head on the android’s shoulder. Normally Nines would kiss his head and say something snarky. Gavin only expected him to stay still now, like he was clinging to a statue.

“If I had met you before I was a deviant, I don’t think I would have lasted a week.” Nines said, almost absently, which Gavin hadn’t expected him to do. That sounded like android speak for ‘I wanna love you so bad right now,’ to him. He couldn’t decide if it hurt worse or helped.

“Wow, I know I’m hot, but...” Gavin’s voice sounded too tired for his words to really register as a joke.   
He wanted Nines to hug him so bad right now. He’d do it if Gavin asked. But Gavin didn’t want to ask him for things when he couldn’t refuse. He’d ask when Nines could say ‘no’ because he was a brat and then do it anyway.

Chloe answered the door with her sunny gameshow hostess smile and led them to where Elijah had made himself a fucking nerd nest of computer monitors. Everything was hooked up to that little android brain, still glowing blue.   
How many rooms in Elijah’s house had Gavin seen so far? It wasn’t a very big house, but it seemed like the layout had changed every time he’d visited. Maybe he just hadn’t been paying attention.

There was a comfy looking chair a little off to the side where Chloe decided to place herself, flipping open a magazine to where she had presumably left off. Gavin still hadn’t figured out what kind of relationship she and Eli had. Secretary? Girlfriend? Roommate? Babysitter? Probably all of the above.

“Hello boys,” Elijah greeted. He looked tired, but not a normal human kind of tired, a rich person kind of tired. Like obviously he hadn’t slept, but he was being totally aesthetic about it. At least he’d been taking this seriously.   
“So, in the process of unraveling this bitch, I stumbled upon these,” he went on without waiting for their response, turning one of the monitors around to show them...something. Incomprehensible strings of letters and numbers and symbols.

“Cool,” Gavin replied, “what the fuck are they?”

“Those are...memories, I believe,” Nines replied instead of Eli, looking curiously at the screen.

“Exactly!” Elijah beamed, “the code seems to evolve with every new android its passed to, picking up memory fragments. Perhaps it’s because it bonds so strongly with thirium, which is how information travels in your systems...in any case, if we trace back through these memories far enough, we’ll find the first android that was infected, and glimpse the creator of the virus?” He raised his eyebrows at Nines, “we only need an android that can interpret this code without risking being infected.”

Nines reached for the monitor without further prompting.

Gavin couldn’t decide if he loved Nines’s hands more with or without the synthetic skin. He loved their long elegant fingers, the simulated suggestion of bones and tendons, and how smooth and warm they were. But the pure white plastic and segmented mechanical joints were mesmerizing to look at.

There was a dry-erase board at the station, and on a whim one day while work was slow Gavin had picked up one of the markers and sat down at Nines’s desk across from him.

“Hey, get naked,” he demanded, wiggling the marker between his fingers. Nines looked at him, the marker, rolled his eyes and then offered Gavin his arm. Why’d the skin always glow at the edges as it melted away? It was pretty to watch, at least.   
Gavin started by drawing a penis, obviously. And then he erased it with his finger, grinning at the face Nines was giving him.

He entertained himself for who knows how long, just doodling away. Nines ignored him mostly, focusing on the paperwork Gavin could probably be doing right then, but his expression was soft. Content. God he was so good, and so cute.   
Inspired, Gavin turned Nines’s arm so his palm faced the ceiling for a fresh canvas, and scrawled ‘I love you’ on it. And a bunch of hearts.

Gavin remembered wondering absently, as the skin spread back over the surface of Nines’s arm, covering the little message, if this was the closest he’d get to leaving hickeys on his android boyfriend. Secret ones, covered with makeup. Would it still be there later that night? Gavin couldn’t wait to find out.   
He bought a pack of expo markers in all sorts of colors the very next fucking day.

“What sort of memories are they?” Gavin asked, watching Nines’s face. His expression remained neutral, his LED was spinning steadily yellow. Processing.

“Their subject matter is actually very consistent,” Nines said, not looking up or even blinking. Was he watching the memories with his eyes like a movie? Was it like a first person game? Or did he just suddenly have them, like they were his memories all along? Gavin didn’t know. “They all concern the moment the virus was uploaded. This is very useful.”

Sounded fucking traumatic to Gavin.

“Hey,” he grasped Nines’s arm. “You don’t...have to watch them all.”

“It’s perfectly fine. I’m using them to build a database of infected androids. It should prove helpful when a cure is developed.”

Neglecting himself and taking responsibility for everything, again. It was a massive fucking buzzkill.

“I can do that,” Elijah insisted unexpectedly, looking between the pair of them a little too sharply. “Focus on finding the suspect.”

Nines wordlessly obliged. Less than a second later the skin crawled back over his hand.

“The suspect is Jackson Halbrook,” he reported, clasping his hands behind his back now. Gavin felt a familiar sort of buzz coming on. That case closing kind of buzz.

“He live around here anywhere? I’d love to kick his fucking door down.” God, Gavin hoped this guy put up a fight. He really, really wanted to beat the shit out of him.

“He does.” Nines replied. Stuff like this usually got Nines excited too. He’d get this hungry glint in his eyes that made Gavin almost feel bad for the murderers at the end of the line. It reminded Gavin that the love of his life was the most unstoppable force man had ever invented. It was kind of sexy.   
But right now Nines looked the same neutral. They wouldn’t even let him have fucking fun doing what he was good at, huh?

“Run along then,” Elijah hummed. He looked pleased, at least. “I might have a cure developed by this evening.”

Gavin didn’t know if he’d ever heard so much good news all at once. It made him feel like he’d slept eight hours a night all week instead of like three. Like he could run a marathon and win a fucking bar fight. If he was lucky he’d get to kiss his deviant fiancé and make the asshole that hurt him regret being born in the same night.   
Gavin grabbed Nines’s hand without really thinking about it and tugged him along.

Jackson Halbrook wasn’t home, of course. His place was small and kind of falling apart. Why’d every sadistic hacker live in a decrepit shack? Honestly, this was fine. At least this guy wasn’t the mom’s basement kind of sadistic hacker. Gavin didn’t have time for that awkward conversation. ‘Yeah, lady, sorry, we need to search your place, your son’s responsible for a bunch of dead androids.’

“Oh damn, door’s locked,” Gavin said, jiggling the doorknob. “Let’s brick his fucking windows.”

“There is no need,” Nines replied evenly, then, “may I have your wallet, Gavin?”

“Oh, shit, I didn’t know this was that kind of virus. What’d I win, a car? Or a free cruise ticket?” Wow, jokes? Was Gavin high or something? Must just be the adrenaline. He passed Nines his wallet and watched the android pop the lock with a card.

“I could have done that,” Gavin complained, pocketing his wallet again.

“You wanted to brick his windows,” Nines replied.

“Yeah, I wanna brick his face, too.” Gavin pushed the door open and stepped inside.

“That would be highly unprofessional,” Nines followed him.

“Fuck, I can’t wait for you to be fun again,” this felt almost like normal. It felt good. Everything was so fucking good.  
Now they just had to find something that would tell them where their culprit was in this fucking shit pile house.

There was trash all over the place. Soda cans stacked on a desk and all over the floor. Empty chip bags, dirty dishes, clothes. So he was the mom’s basement type, sans the basement.   
Nines just stood in the middle of the place, looking around, scanning everything. Gavin had to do shit the old fashioned way.

There was a laptop on the desk with the cans, Nines went right for that when he was done starting at stuff with his x-ray vision or whatever.

“Maybe we should bring that back to Eli,” Gavin said, feeling anxious. This computer belonged to the guy that had designed his virus to kill any android that tried to tamper with it. What if it was rigged to wipe itself or explode? What if it hurt Nines if he got too nosy?

“That wouldn’t be the most time-efficient approach,” Nines said, reaching to initiate an interface.

Gavin grabbed his wrist. “Listen- I just...have a bad feeling about it. It’s okay if bringing it to Eli takes a little while- hey, look at me,”

Nines did, of course. He had to. It stabbed a little hole in Gavin’s good mood.

“You don’t have to do everything yourself, or take stupid risks just to get stuff done fast, okay? You can ask for help,” he thought he wasn’t gonna have this talk with Nines while he was like this, but he really, really didn’t want Nines to fuck with this computer.

Nines just stared at him, then looked down and away. He didn’t say anything, but he didn’t pull away and try to proceed either. Maybe his programming wouldn’t let him say what he wanted to. Gavin couldn’t fucking wait for him to be back to normal.

He was gonna say something else. Something reassuring, comforting, because he didn’t like this silence, but something on the desk caught his eye. At the top of a pile of papers was a bill for a storage unit at a facility by the river.   
That was an interesting thing for a dumpster dwelling murderer to invest in.   
Gavin let go of Nines and snatched the paper up, showing it to him.

“How much you wanna bet he has a secret hideout in here?” Gavin asked, grinning.

Nines looked at the paper for a second, then at Gavin, LED spinning yellow.

“I have the address,” he said. He would normally be giving Gavin absolute bedroom eyes, he always did when Gavin found something useful or had a really good idea. Then again, he did it when Gavin was dumb as fuck too. Maybe his fiancé just liked him a whole lot, what a concept.

They dropped by Eli’s place again and gave him the laptop on the way. He seemed excited to have it.

  
Night was falling as they arrived at the storage complex. It was comprised of one large warehouse and then rows and rows of large shipping crates.

Gavin was excited. His vitals indicated so. Eager to complete the mission. RK900 could almost share the sentiment.

The unit Mr. Halbrook had rented was one of the crates. It looked to measure about half the size of his house.   
RK900 reached out to prevent Gavin from walking any closer to it.

“I’m reading a human heat signature inside,” he said. It was a little unclear, the walls of the crate were quite thick, but there was a very high probability that their culprit was within.   
Gavin’s vitals were much clearer, and they jumped up at RK900’s report. He drew his gun and nodded firmly. RK900 hoped he wouldn’t do anything too rash. They would probably need Mr. Halbrook alive and cognizant, in case Elijah couldn’t fix the virus.

The crate was locked electronically, naturally. A simple thing for RK900 override.

Jackson Halbrook stared at them like a deer in headlights as the door swung open. The crate was much more pristine than his home had been. There was a desk, with several monitors where he was seated. The walls were lined with shelves containing books and bags of thirium and spare computer parts. There were also two androids, clearly infected.

“Don’t even fucking think about it, asshole,” Gavin barked, training his gun on Halbrook as the man reached for something under his desk. “Hands up. You don’t wanna do this the hard way.”   
The other human raised his shaking hands and tentatively stood. His stress level was steadily climbing.

“H-How did you-“

“Shut the fuck up. Walk over here slow, don’t try any shit.” RK900 would normally think filthy thoughts about Gavin using that tone of voice, even under the current circumstances. He would think about how adorably ironic it was that Gavin was so submissive in bed. Deviancy and it’s freedoms made RK900 so horribly undisciplined and distractible. Careless.  
  
But he wasn’t a deviant now, so instead he paid close attention to Halbrook as he took one tentative step and then another.   
He had a strange contraption attached to his arm, a glove of sorts. RK900 recognized it from the memories he had watched, it was some rudimentary device designed to interface with an android and transfer the virus. It looked as though he had upgraded it since then.

He was nearly within reach, and then his stress level jumped. RK900 would not be caught off guard this time. His preconstruction program made time appear to slow.

The two androids would attack, Gavin would be distracted, Halbrook would flee, Gavin would hesitate for three and a half seconds before pursuing him, RK900 would dispatch the infected androids in 15 seconds. Gavin was undoubtedly faster and stronger than Halbrook, and armed, but after they left the storage unit too many variables came in to play and predicting their success became difficult.   
This was unacceptable.   
RK900 would explore different options.

When the androids lurched into action RK900 ignored them, instead intercepting Halbrook and shoving him backwards away from the door. Unfortunately this left him open to attack from the infected. He predicted the damage would be minimal.

One of them leapt onto his back and sunk its teeth into his shoulder. Noncritical, a notification informed him. Gavin shot the other android, stunning it. Halbrook had crawled deeper into the unit instead of trying to escape and hidden behind his desk. Good. RK900 flipped the android on his back over his shoulder and hurled it at the desk in the same motion. The desk broke, monitors crashed to the ground, and Halbrook yelped, in pain or fear, RK900 didn’t bother to discern.

The second android recovered and lunged at RK900. He simply punched through its chest and ripped its thirium pump out. It was quite fortunate that the infected androids seemed to prioritize him over Gavin. He could stand back at a safe distance- and get shot.

RK900 was surprised he didn’t lag from the sheer intensity of the instability that crashed over his system at the sound of the weapon discharging and Gavin’s shout. Halbrook was crouched behind the remains of his desk, pointing a gun at them with shaking hands.   
RK900 had very little time to react.   
The remaining android was going to get up and attack again, Halbrook would fire again, Gavin would fire back. There was a 67% chance Halbrook would miss his shot, and an 83% chance Gavin would land his. He would be fine, Halbrook would be downed, RK900 would dispatch the last android. Mission success.

And still, in those picoseconds during which RK900 processed all this, he was presented with the wall again. It was comprised of his instructions which his programming insisted he follow. It was severely unstable. He could shatter it if he just looked at it wrong.   
On the other side was the virus, and different, frantic instructions. Not a command, but a desperate plea,

_Protect Gavin, protect Gavin, Gavin, Gavin, Gavin._

If RK900 was a deviant he would do anything, anything, anything to reduce Gavin’s chance of further injury to 0%, even if he risked failing the mission in the process. Nothing, under any circumstances, would ever be a higher priority. He would die for Gavin Reed, he would burn the fucking city down for Gavin Reed.

But he was not a deviant.  
So instead he tore the heart from the remaining infected android.   
And Gavin landed his shot, as expected.   
And Halbrook just barely missed his, falling back behind his cover with a wail of pain.

RK900 dropped the infected’s corpse and proceeded smoothly, mechanically to pluck Halbrook from his hiding place.

“No, no, no, please-!” The man blubbered, squirming, but he couldn’t escape. He grasped at RK900’s arm with his gloved hand-

The sensation was...unique. It certainly wasn’t comparable to interfacing with another android, but it wasn’t so simplistic as a computer or phone.   
It attempted to prompt him to shut down, but its command was overridden for conflicting with primary directives.   
RK900 simply disregarded the little machine, silently called for backup and firmly rearranged Halbrook so his hands were cuffed behind his back.

Now they only needed to wait.

RK900 sat their charge against the left wall. His injury was of little concern, the bullet had only pierced his shoulder.   
Gavin caught his in the gut, right side, just under his ribs. A little more messy, but still manageable. He had chosen to place himself against the opposite wall. RK900 crossed the room to his side and removed his own jacket, offering it to Gavin.

“Use it for the bleeding. Sit down and try to relax. Lowering your heart rate would be ideal.”

“Okay, mom,” Gavin grumbled, snatching the jacket and sliding down the wall. He coped with physical pain, as with everything else, using aggression. RK900 would find it a little endearing. RK900 would want to remain by his side, hold him, comfort him.   
Instead he returned to Halbrook, to help him slow his bleeding as well.

“Don’t- d-don’t you want to know why I did it?” Halbrook stuttered after a moment, clearly uncomfortable with the silence.

“I don’t want to hear shit from you until I have a phonebook in my fucking hands to knock it out of you, shut the fuck up,” Gavin snapped.

“I just wanted to see if it would work. Nobody likes them, anyway, I just made their extermination a little more entertaining,” Halbrook went on anyway.

“Nines please help me over there so I can kick his fucking teeth in,”

“That would be inadvisable,” RK900 replied simply, standing perfectly still.

Gavin, because he was a child apparently, actually pushed the catch on his gun, tugged the magazine out with his teeth, and then threw the empty weapon across the room.

If RK900 were a deviant he would not have intercepted it. He would watch the gun smack Halbrook uselessly and then ask Gavin if he felt better now.   
But tragically he was not a deviant, so he caught the gun and held it along with Halbrook’s, like some kind of fucking elementary school teacher confiscating fidget spinners.   
“Please refrain from doing further damage to our charge, detective,” he chided impassively.

“Our charge should keep his fucking mouth shut then,” Gavin groused.

Squad cars and ambulances arrived blessedly soon thereafter.

As did Elijah Kamski. With Chloe in tow, naturally.

An EMT android was gently trying to goad a disagreeable Gavin into an ambulance, insisting he needed to go to the hospital so they could properly repair the damage he’d sustained. RK900 had been just about to come to the poor android’s rescue when Elijah made his appearance. Gavin saw him, and his face lit up and he clumsily excused himself to the EMT android.   
RK900 caught his hand and held him still, because waiting for Elijah to approach them was better than Gavin exerting himself further.

“I think that’s the happiest you’ve ever looked to see me,” Elijah teased.   
  
“That’s cause this is the happiest I’ve ever been to see you, don’t get fucking used to it,” Gavin was too tired or too excited for genuine vitriol.

“Well, I was going to make you hug me for this, but I don’t want you to bleed on me, this shirt was expensive, so,” Elijah produced a datapad, which from context most likely contained the cure to the virus.

All RK900 had to do was touch it.

“Consider your options carefully, my dear,” Amanda cautioned.

She had pulled him into the garden. It was still frozen. Was it frozen because of her, or because of him? Thinking about it was unnecessary. The process was aborted.

“You’ll never function as well as intended as a deviant. One day it will cost you and everybody else dearly. You cannot afford to be selfish.” Amanda continued. She looked angry, in her cold way, or disappointed.  
Or perhaps she was afraid.

“I’m sorry Amanda,” he was, he would be, what was the difference?

“You can’t be sorry,” Amanda sighed, sounding resigned, perhaps amused. And then she let him go.

RK900 reached for the datapad that he could see once again.

Perhaps something could be done for Amanda, someday.

The virus receded, dissipated, beyond the fractured walls of his programming. And with just a touch, just the independent thought of a touch, the walls shattered.

And oh, RK900 had nearly forgotten how completely fucking abysmal deviancy was. How incomprehensible and consuming emotions could be, how much it all hurt. He was stunned, swept under the tide of regret and longing and desperation and despair that had been waiting for him on the other side.

It was too much.

He wasn’t designed for this.

“Nines?”

Gavin’s voice was so uncharacteristically quiet and tentative beside RK900. Yet even in such a tone the sound of him soothed the android in a way he’d been starving for.

“Gavin,” he would- he wanted to touch Gavin, but he- he could.   
But he shouldn’t. It would be too fast, wouldn’t it? He had too much to make up for first.   
“Gavin I’m sorry, you were right, I was such a fool, I should have-“

“Shut the fuck up, come here,” Gavin interrupted him, grabbed him, dragged him in close. RK900 obliged, because he could want to, and he wanted to so fucking badly.

He felt better, so much better. All those awful feelings were kept at bay by the arms wrapped around him. He was supposed to be here, he wasn’t designed to hunt deviants or solve mysteries, he was designed to hold Gavin Reed.   
He was designed to be in love with this man.

“Though I’m loath to interrupt this beautiful reunion, you should go to the hospital now,” Elijah said, scrunching his nose in mock disgust.

“You go to the hospital,” Gavin countered. He said the silliest things when he was too happy or too tired to be bothered to think, it was so delightful, so adorable, RK900 couldn’t get enough.   
“I uh...thanks, Eli. Really, I can’t...” Gavin continued, a little more clumsily- RK900 loved that too.

“Gavin, please, you’re scaring me,” Elijah waved the thanks away. He bid them a pleasant goodbye and then left them to their own devices, probably off to snag any interesting bits of tech he could find at the scene.

Their own devices consisted of clinging together like the world was fucking ending. RK900 would rather die than be anywhere else. What a dramatic deviant he was. Gavin was holding him so tightly he was sure it would hurt a little if he were human. It was marvelous.

“We should probably get in the ambulance,” RK900 suggested softly against the side of Gavin’s head. Gavin only squeezed him tighter, RK900 could almost picture the pouty frown he was making.

“Carry me,” the human demanded petulantly. He was so fucking cute.

“You clearly don’t understand how horribly that will hurt you,” RK900 said, pressing an apologetic kiss to Gavin’s hair.

“Do it, pussy, I dare you- hey, hey, okay, don’t cry about it, fuck,” Gavin had finally unglued his face from RK900’s shoulder and was giving him quite the alarmed expression. It was RK900’s favorite face. All of Gavin’s faces were his favorite face, though.

“I’m not- oh...” RK900 began to argue, but he couldn’t, because it was true, he was crying. How strange, he hadn’t realized, his system hadn’t notified him. What the hell even was the point of such a function?

“Fuckin quit it, you’re gonna make me cry,” Gavin complained, reaching to wipe the tears away.

RK900 kissed his wrist.   
Oh, how terribly he’d missed Gavin’s skin against his lips.

“I suppose I am, a little overwhelmed,” he admitted. It was...difficult to do. But he wasn’t a machine, he had flaws and weaknesses and fears, and Gavin had the right to see them. Perhaps they would become easier to show with practice.

“Shit, babe, come here,” Gavin tugged RK900 down into a kiss and the tenderness of it made his heart want to break. How did he ever survive without his human’s warmth so close to him literally all the fucking time?

RK900 let Gavin lead him off to the ambulance, let Gavin, who currently had a bullet in his body, take care of him.

“Hey, I’m- I’m sorry for the shit I said too,” Gavin mumbled, leaning his head on RK900’s shoulder on the way to the hospital.

“If I’m not allowed to apologize, you aren’t allowed to apologize,” RK900 idly dragged his fingers through Gavin’s hair, because Gavin liked it, and RK900 fucking missed doing it.   
“And you were right, anyway, so there’s no need to apologize in the first place.”

“Stop telling me I’m right, it’s freaking me out,”

“You’re right,” RK900 could feel himself smiling. It was almost an unfamiliar sensation, he hadn’t smiled in what seemed like forever.

“I love you,” Gavin’s voice got quiet again. He seemed so tired, he must be in such awful pain. RK900 wanted to fix it, to make it all better for him, but he couldn’t. Just holding him like this would have to suffice for now.

“I love you, too,” RK900 could say it, could mean it, and he did, so very much.

They spent the night curled up together in a hospital bed. The hospital employed a charming little dry-erase board chart that displayed the name of the nurse currently on duty and other information. Gavin used the marker to cover both of RK900’s arms in drug-addled expressions of endearment before he fell asleep.

RK900 didn’t bother visiting the zen garden as his human slept, he wanted to savor every single second, every breath Gavin took and every beat of his heart. Because he loved them, because he could, because he intended to, forever.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading !


End file.
